CALLING ALL #GIRLDREAMERS!

Welcome to our award-winning blog, created by us and run by YOU.

Yes, that’s right! We open up our blog for women of colour to share their views, thoughts and opinions on social, political
and cultural topics (just to name a few).

If you’re interested in being one of our monthly guest bloggers, please click here to access the blogging guidelines and the form to pitch your blog!

February 23, 2022

SECRET LOVES, SECRET HEARTBREAKS

Oh to be young and in love.

A rush of excitement.

Are they your soul mate? Is this true love?

You think it is love, no you know it is love, and they love you. No one understands you like they do.

Sure this is not a Bollywood movie, but it is similar to the plot of Khabi Khushi Khabi Ghum, and he might look like Shah Rukh Khan when the lights are off.

You save their name as Ria, instead of Rajan, and stay up all night on FaceTime whispering about your future together.

You quietly and carefully sneak them out of your house before your parents finish work.

It’s scary but worth every second because you have something special, something no one will ever understand.

However, what happens when they break your heart? When all you want to do is to stay in bed and stare blankly at the ceiling.

Most Desi teens and those who live in conservative households do not have the privilege to lie in anguish and watch American Rom Coms 24/7.

They must get up and pretend everything is okay, perfect even.

They cannot eat their body weight in chocolate and grieve. They must remain unphased and force a painful smile every day.

They cannot seek comfort from their family, as not only will they be punished, they can even be in danger in their own home.

Of course, friends are a great distraction. But, when you are alone with your thoughts, it can be isolating and numbing.

Aman’s Story*

My first love was I was 17.

We were friends, and one day it all changed.

We would meet at school early to talk and kiss. We just needed space to be alone.

There were always empty classrooms, or we would go to his house after school, and I would pretend I had extra lessons.

I genuinely thought we would get married in the future, and I know it sounds dumb, but I was young, and this was my first relationship.

Two months later, I broke up with him. I did not want to, but my older brother found out and threatened to tell my dad.

I felt empty, I would be daydreaming about him, and then my mum would ask me if I was okay.

I just smiled and changed the topic.

I was alone.

I really just wanted a hug from my mum and to cry in her lap, but I could not do that. I had to pretend I was fine.

Yes, I am an adult now, but I still often think about my first love.

I do not think I actually got over it. I mean, how could I when I was not allowed to experience the emotions of heartbreak.

I wish I could hug my younger self and tell her:

“It is okay. Heartbreak is normal, and you will move on and be stronger than ever.”

So, what can you do to numb the pain of heartbreak (healthily)?

Distraction

A distraction is key. It is unhealthy to isolate yourself and spend your days wondering why life is so unfair. Instead, try new hobbies, focus on your work, and say YES to plans with your friends.

DELETE ALL PICTURES

The last thing you should be doing is endlessly scrolling through your photos together. It will hurt, but it is necessary to delete the images. You’ll thank me later.

Don’t Cyber Stalk

Block, block and BLOCK. It is easy to forget social media is a facade, and you only see what users want you to see. Scrolling through your ex’s Instagram feed will do nothing but upset you. Take this time to heal, and focus on yourself rather than religiously checking up on your ex.

These are just a few steps that can help you feel more empowered and comforted during heartbreak. Nonetheless, it does not mean you will become completely over it in a day, you must take it day by day.

Heartbreak can be a scary experience mentally and physically for those experiencing this alone. However, this pain is temporary, and it may sound cringe, but time does, in fact, heal all.

It is unfair and cruel to experience this pain alone, but it also strengthens you and allows you to learn and grow as an individual.

*Names have been changed for anonymity